What is it in this world? Sorry for the question, but I'm kinda fed up with this society and some of its people. When I relate the following story please remember I love my sister tremendously, and I am trying very hard to help her make her life the best it can be, but very honest I am very fed up with the system and a few people that seem to think I have all the control. First I don't. Second even if I did it wouldn't help in this society!
My sister, because of multiple periods of drug use-- Meth use in particular-- has a very low I.Q. and she has a seven year old daughter-- her only child. On top of that she has a heart condition because of the drug use that she can't/won't control. Now for the third time she is clean-- for not even a month this time. The other two times she was clean for multiple years. Her daughter is one of the factors that has kept her clean and brought her out of her drug use quickly this time. But her ability to understand things and deal with things is much worse this time. It's to the point that there are people saying I should take guardianship of her and/or have her institutionalized. Less than three weeks ago I went to the court and signed papers to have her put into a rehab program, because of her heart I was listened to. That was the first time that my concerns have been listened to by the powers that be.
Two years ago I was her payee for the disability she receives. That lasted for a year before she hated me because she thought I was stealing her money. I wasn't. When she lived with me it was like World War III between her and my son-- until the day I heard her punch him in the chest and laugh about it. That was the day I asked her to leave. She doesn't understand that kids deal with things differently than adults, and she doesn't understand that her mental state affects everyone around her, especially my son with CP and autism. She also doesn't understand that I have to pick my child's well being over hers-- but honestly that seems to be a problem in the system and with others also.
Now, everyone in her life seems to think she is my problem to deal with. The issue with that is that I have no control, and even if I could be her guardian I don't want to be! Very honest I'm not so sure she's going to be around that much longer, and even beyond that why should I be the one that pays for her mistakes? Because she messes up her life daily should I be expected to clean up that mess? REALLY?!?!? Honestly that sounds kinda assine! My sister has problems, I won't argue that. She can't figure things out, and she doesn't understand that when you pass out from your heart not quite working right that you really can't be depended on to be at a job. She doesn't get/ won't listen to the fact that her smoking and drinking insane amounts of caffeine hurts her and that just eating junk food does not constitute a good diet, but guess what? She didn't get that before this last bout with drugs either, and she didn't understand that when she lived with me. Putting her in the local program for people that can't take care of themselves wouldn't make any of those things any better either. The worst part is even if I would go for guardianship I wouldn't be able to get it. Simply put, she's not bad off enough!!!
So I am fed up! I'm damned if I do anything, and I am damned if I don't do something. The most aggravating thing is my hands seemed tied no matter what I do! And I am toooo much of a freedom person to let this continue. So I will do something ultimately, but I doubt anyone will be happy with me at that point! This month my motto of 'Love even the unlovable, and forgive even the unforgivable' is being super challenged. Hopefully my world will be better for the challenge. I guess this is all I have to share-- So hoping and praying your life is less confusing and more peaceful than mine right now--
Cat out.
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