So much has been going on lately that it has me questioning everything around me. It started with me realizing that nothing was going to change unless I changed it. That is a thought that has followed me all my life. Since any kind of control has been in my hands, my life has changed when I did the work. When I decided to graduate from high school I did-- a year late, but a semester before I had been at least two years behind. When I was in a destructive marriage I realized he wasn't going to change so I did, and kicked his ah-- behind out and began a new path. Even as a kid I had this pattern. So now looking around and contemplating has led me to change again. At first it was moving here-- which has been a complete boon for our family, though it has royally screwed with our finances (On that note does anyone want to buy a big 6/7 bedroom house in Waterloo???). We've had to completely change the way we are living and I have complained OHH! I have complained both within my soul and to God. I have tried not to Todd though. He's under more pressure than anyone should ever be.
Then I began thinking and searching for answers... I am very grateful for how life has changed. Everyone in the family is doing so much better than they were a year and half ago ...even with the finances being tanked. As far as finances go, each month brings unexpected miracles and we get through another month. I know it can't keep up this way, but for now we are skidding by.
So why am I upset? Well for one reason every time we start to get a leg up something comes to under cut any effort... There are still the miracles. They are little ones-- not the big ones I would like-- i.e. Todd getting a different position, the house selling, book sales getting better, an unexpected windfall (don't discount that one-- How do you think we actually could pull off the move to Moline?). So do I take the earth shattering amazing and not the simple day to day too? There is a point.
It was with that thought I decided I needed to change.
First I had go back to being grateful for every little thing... no matter how insignificant it is.
Second is it just up to God to change this? He gave me hands, feet, and a brain.
Third was simply deciding what to do... Below is what I came up with.
1. Help Todd. He is under so much pressure from all sides that anything I can do for him will make his life easier. So I started giving him vitamins... Why not? He needs a little help with the stress. What I didn't know was that his blood pressure had began spiking and because of that a vessel in his eye had burst. We found out, and realized those vitamins were more important than I first realized. Now the real test was on. I needed to really step up my plan.
2. Encourage Todd to make some changes of his own... albeit gently. So he started looking at different positions he could apply for within the corporation he works at and I listen as he tells me about them. Something here in town that won't be forcing him back and forth between here and Waterloo will do. It might even come with an actual relocation bonus (technically his job is in Waterloo). That would help us with selling the house in Waterloo.
3. I have to work on the marketing for The Key to Her Heart. There is potential for helping the finances-- even a little bit will help. It is something I can do... Megan had been the business end of publishing. But now she is working fulltime, going to college, teaching birth classes and being a mom. On top of that she is expecting baby number 2, So she is not going to be able to help me with marketing The Key to Her Heart. I have to make it happen. Which means:
A. Fixing my author page on Amazon.
B. Talking to other authors to find out what they are doing.
C. Getting The Key to Her Heart on Smashwords
D. Fixing and figuring out my profile on Goodreads.
E. Research ways to reach my audience and begin marketing
It has taken quite a bit of time, but in the process I've learned so much! Also talking to other authors has a side benefit... I am finding what they do for marketing and finding so many little thing from them that helps me. It's nice to get to know other writers. Some are like me, and just beginning. Some have been doing the same thing I am trying to do and have been wildly successful. It is really awesome to get to know them (yes that is definitely a plug for BooksGoSocial-- a very well deserved plug I might add.).
4. Financially I have had to make cuts. That entails simple choices...
I could not stop buying organics or gluten free, but I could buy less fast home foods, and do some more of the prep work. Example: buying a box of healthy gluten free muffins for the kiddos to snack on (16 in the box) costs close to 10 dollars. Making those muffins (an even healthier version with no refined sugar and high in fiber, low in starch) costs about 2 dollars for 24.
Quick fast food meals I completely cut out. If I am out and realize I have missed lunch I wait. A little hunger pains are not going to kill me! For the kids I bring snacks with me.
I decided we don't need to go out each day, and when we do we can do several errands at once. We also have found free activities to do. The park is one of our favorites and there are so many different parks around here it is just amazing. Yesterday Ali was climbing while Hope was showing Tory how to use her legs to swing, and I was standing near Peter who was at the edge of the river seeing how a stone caused ripples in the water that kept going. He was amazed and understanding a new concept about this world that I had been trying to teach him the day before. All of this only cost me a tiny bit of gas in the middle of three other errands. For those moments we were all at peace.
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| So here is my peaceful reminder to trust even when I've done everything I can and it doesn't seem to change |
5. We really need to get the house sold, and so there is work to do there! We have scheduled a work week to help us do more to sell the darn thing! During that week we will be doing, hopefully, everything that needs to be done to be able to allow people to view the house and with a little grace-- we can sell it!
6. Now after all this, the rest is in God's very capable hands. I've done and am doing everything in my power. If God wants to kick it fully with a big miracle I am not opposed. If the little miracles continue and nothing else makes a difference, then at least I know we are still making it, and that we have done everything that we can...
I don't know how it is going to turn out. I haven't sold anymore books so far, Todd hasn't found another position, and our house in Waterloo doesn't even have anyone interested. On the upswing Todd's blood pressure is doing better and his vision has returned to what it was before the vein burst. I'm starting to overcome my allergies. Peter is learning not to stress his father out. I am getting to know some really awesome authors and homeschoolers. Sooner or later the finances will get better. We are doing the right things and I know God is much bigger than all of this. So I've decided to continue doing what I can and trust... This is Cat out. Hope this helps someone else that is in any kind of similar situation.
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