I started to write not really knowing what I wanted to talk about but that I just wanted to write-- so here it goes. I've been thinking about many things these last few days. Maybe I will just turn this into a list and you know if I do this will end up being in the topic paragraph and if I don't it will just be deleted (Guess which I decided to do?) Anyway-- How many other people think about any of these type of things each day?
1. Top of the list is a little grateful sigh. It is truly fall because my eyes have FINALLY stopped itching which basically means we are passed the Ragweed season (Thank you, God-- literally).
2. Fall being here means I only have a month to finish editing Patrick's Rose-- less really because by the middle or so of November I have to copies ready for my beta readers. I have to decide who my beta readers are going to be this time!
3. Peter. Even after all the testing and doctor visits I still struggle with what to do next. Tutoring is a must, but for which subjects? And when? Kinda figured out who... Well sort of.
4. About being Mom, even to my older kids. Even when they grow up, they still seem like kids sometimes. And even when they are little sometimes they amaze with how grown up they can be. Also the question still sticks in the back of mind-- Are there more kiddos coming? Honest-- I'd like that.
5. About God and being Byzantine Catholic. Are my times of failure alright with God? Does he take them better than I do? Why did he make me Byz really? Don't get me wrong. I like being Byzantine. It is just the way I am. But he could have made me any way he wanted to-- Why Byz?
6. Why a list? Writing lists to check off make sense. Writing a list of thoughts-- not so much! Yet here I am sharing my silly list of thoughts.
7. Thoughts on my food situation. This is probably a paragraph in and of itself. I am intolerant to gluten and fruit (yes fruit-- all fruit except melon and all parts of the fruit even the leaves and bark.). On top of that my body rejects meat and eggs 99.9% of the time. To make it more confusing I don't do well with most starches and I am on a diet called Shape Reclaimed to try to lose weight and bring down inflammation so my body will work better. The real question here is: WHAT DO I EAT?! I never know really. I don't complain because that does no good, but none the less I have no clue!
8. Food thoughts bring me to the next issue, and that is having an ileostomy because they are kind of interconnected. Having a bag isn't so bad (except it is embarrassing when people see part of it and ask or see the bulge and begin to ask questions. Going through an airport is about as bad as it gets--arggggg!). Though I would never chose it, and hate that I had to have it--. It is better than the alternative (either tumors or death. Neither of those options appeal right now--If you get my drift.). But being able to chose when you use the bathroom and it not interrupting you when you are talking is not half bad. Having a poop bag on the outside is another story. Now you've heard your fill of TMI I am sure.
9. Another daily thought is if this country will make it. Are we even going to have another Presidential election? When all is said and done does saving up for retirement even make any sense in this economy? Please God help us do better than we are now! And on and on and on... Political stuff and economic stuff mix in my head. And between the news, political sagas, and Twitter the questions never get a rest. Now mix all of that and put me with a couple friends, and I have enough thinking and praying in this area to last a month of Sundays!
10. Not my final thought, but the final one I'm going to write about (because the rest are toooo personal even to write or speak about)-- How do I handle the past? I could write a litany about this. I guess it starts with being an adopted child and goes on from there. But the past does not seem to die and in so many ways repeats over and over again even when you learn from it. So how do I stop it? Or am I stuck with the patterns that were set up long before I was around? Don't like that thought. I thought when I was younger that I could right the wrongs of the past, but now that I am growing up I really don't know anymore. I'm still trying though. Maybe that is part of what making this list is about!
One final thought to sum this up-- Is this me thinking too deeply? I always here that-- 'You are thinking too deeply', but what does that mean? These are much of my daily thoughts and many of the things where my prayers begin. So is this thinking too deeply? Or do most people think these things? Good question, if I do say so myself and I do. So here is my list or thoughts that ultimately turn into prayers. This is Cat out. Thanks for listening.
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