Something is really bothering me today. It is what is going on in this country, and it is what is going on in our own communities. Two different articles I read: http://www.myfoxdfw.com/story/19990633/couple-gets-60-years-for-starving-baby and http://www.westernjournalism.com/the-problems-of-women-in-combat-from-a-female-combat-vet/ both talked about parents and selfishness. The first one was about parents who because of their concern with smoking and drinking didn't feed their nine month old son nor change his diaper or do basic care for him for days at a time, and at worst maybe as long as two months let him go without food. I cannot imagine. That is horrible! There are just no words to describe how sick inside that makes me feel. Luckily some teenagers heard him crying and found him, and he's alive and doing well now with a foster family.
The second article was about women in the military. Whatever side you are on, and whatever your feelings, there is one thing that struck me while I was reading this. How parents will chose to put career advancement ahead of their children. I realize all of us want to accomplish, and want recognition. I also realize career opportunities come with lucrative benefits. In my own defense to publish my book I had to sacrifice some things in order to give the book the attention it needs. But it was usually my sleep so that I could still take care of my kids and make sure they had enough attention and all their needs were met. In fact the last two weeks I have cooled down on the book so that my daughter Megan who is my right hand person can finish some important career stuff. That's just it right there...
My children have never, nor will they ever come second to any career or goal. That is not so in many families. At the end of our life what will be most important? Whether you are Christian or not-- Whether you believe in God-- When you are taking your last breath and thinking over your life and maybe wondering if there is an eternity-- What will be your crowning achievement here? Will it be the fact your children are there with you and love you? Or will it be something you found so important that you ignored your family or put them second just to waste the years you were given only once?
Let me tell you about my oldest daughter. She was born to me when I was twenty. I became pregnant with her while on the verge of a modeling career, and chose to give up that dream to have her. I became a single mother. Her father (her biological father) was involved with another woman, but was still excited I was going to have her. In her first few weeks of life he visited her and spent lots of time with her, but then the visits tapered off. By the time she was seven months old he really wasn't coming to see her at all. At eleven months old he had renewed interest in her for about a month. When she was thirteen months old I moved from Riverside, California with my parents to the Midwest. I tried to tell him, but he didn't really care. Two months after we moved he called not realizing he was calling Indiana. To make a long story shorter it took three more years before he saw her again. Then he came with presents and great affection, and he tear up at how much he missed in those years. The next year I got married to a wonderful man, and he visited again soon after that with presents and lots of tears. She absolutely loved him and enjoyed the visits and he would promise such wonderful things and she would feel like a princess for the time he was with her. The problem was the in between. First he would call often and talk to her, then the calls would wain. She would be heart broken. He would promise to send her something then it would not happen. By the time she was seven she refused to talk to him because "He always tells me one thing then it's not true. He's just a liar.". The sad thing is the statement was pretty much true. I am sure her biological father did not mean to be this way, but his business always took prescience over Megan. He would explain it as "Don't you understand, I am building this for Megan.". She didn't talk to him until she was eight, and this time the cycle started all over again.
Her childhood proceeded to be a rollercoster of elation to devastation. My husband by the time she was five and half had become dad and her biological father was just known by his first name. She took my husband's last name. This went on until adulthood. When she gave birth to her own son she had high hopes he would finally really be involved in her life. He was so excited to have a grandchild, but to her devastation once more his excitement dimmed. This time it is more serious. She says "I won't let my son spend his childhood waiting for him, Mom. I'm done. Alex has you and Dad, and you guys are wonderful grandparents." By the way, her biological father's business that he spent all those years building is gone and he has nothing to show for it. With it went his health. He had another child too, but he like Megan wants nothing to do with him because when he should have been participating in their childhood he found other things more important. His other child's mother has faced the same emotions with her child as I did with Megan, and for what?
I find so many families willing to make these sacrifices. And it really bothers me. Our children are only children for such a short time. We are the ones that shape their future. Do we really want to be careless? Is our pride/need/whatever more important than their future? It's not just basic care, but it's attention and love. Do we really want someone else making the memories with them while we gallivant off in our glory? Oh! It's for our children. No it's for ourselves. Truth is the time we spend teaching them the skills of life is for them. The other adventures is just pure selfishness at our children's expense that we try to justify by saying it is for them. There is something I use to say to my girls. "Just because you say it is that way does not make it so." Just because we say, "This is for our kids" doesn't make it true. Search your heart-- What is the most important thing in the world? You'll find it easily. It is what you invest everything you have in-- All your time, All your energy, All your resources. When you are doing something else your thoughts will be on that very important thing/person. If that isn't your children and your family-- suggestion-- For your happiness's sake, readjust your priorities. Make the kids first. You will never regret it, and neither will they. If you want an awesome movie that deals with this pressing issue in our nation, watch Courageous. It is a favorite around here that always brings both Megan and I to tears. Please put your kids first. They need you, and you know what? The amazing thing is you need them!
No comments:
Post a Comment