Sorry it has been two weeks since my last post. It has been crazy around here! My sister was released from the rehab program right around the time of my last post, and now my niece is with me three days a week, and I supervise visitations between her and my sister.
In another situation, that might not be to bad, but with my sister and the problems that she has, everyday is a day of commotion that just seems to escalate into her having a sever panic attack. That then lands her in the ER. And using the Emergency Room for things that would best be handled other ways drives me to the brink of screaming!
To top everything off the psychiatrist she sees decided to put her on a narcotic anti-anxiety drug less then a few days after she got out of rehab. Of course she has trouble with taking the right amount. Oh!! As if all of this isn't enough-- each time she takes the drug it makes her worse!!! I'm talking like psychotic worse! I would add a few swear words here, but 'don't think I want to expose you to the extent of my full frustration! To be very honest, I've thought about asking for a competency hearing for her. The problem with that is then I would be her freaking guardian! Which is definitely not something I want! I'm already spending so much time helping clean up the mess she has a habit of making of her life, that I really couldn't handle anymore.
I could look into a group home situation, but what if she does get better, or even worse what if she doesn't have that much longer on this earth? Do I really want her to lose pretty much all of her freedom? So praying and thinking what to do, leads me no where. --Except I hear this little voice in my head saying-- "Catherine, stay the course. I promise it will get better. Stay strong. Keep setting boundaries. But don't stray to the left or right. Just stay the course." I really think it is God speaking to me. Though I've heard God alot in my life, right now I'm so unsure of all my thoughts and all the things I 'hear'. All I really know is I'm holding onto what I am hearing simply because it's at least sane sounding. That is more than any other suggestion I've received lately.
So I think I'm staying the course until I hear otherwise. Honestly, today I feel more peace than I have in the last two weeks. So I guess that is something! Besides, for the first time in the last week I've had enough time to sit here and type out the stuff in my life for you to read-- Hope you 'enjoy'. This is Cat out-- Staying the course!
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